So you may have noticed that I’m not myself at the moment. I’m job searching and feeling more and more like the last 3 years I spent at university were pointless. I’m bringing myself down and as a result making me feel a lot worse. As hard as this all is I’m trying to keep positive and make sure I don’t make myself feel completely useless.
I will admit, it’s really difficult. When I feel down I lose interest in things I’d normally enjoy which means other areas suffer. I’m in the process of writing a stage play for a competition and I absolutely love it but it takes so much to do it now. I love writing for this blog but I find it hard to concentrate on films or anything at the moment. It’s tough. I’m sure everyone goes through times in their life like this but what I want to do is share how I’m trying to carry on regardless.
You watch films where the central character has a dream they want to achieve and for the most part you think thats really over the top but everyone has one. Everyone has an area in life they want to succeed in and always have, for some its having a family, for some its a dream house and for some its a particular career. It’s the latter for me. Since 1st year of university I decided I wanted to go into university lecturing. It combines all aspects of what I love doing and its what I want to do. Throughout my time at university and afterwards I’ve come across massive adversity to me doing that. People making me feel like I’m not good enough for it, or situations making me take several steps away from where I want to be but I know it’s still what I really want to do.
For the most part its my mum that picks me up when I’m feeling like this and keeps me going in the right direction. Over the past few years I’d say I’ve grown closer to my mum and have developed a really good relationship with her, a long way off my rebellious teen years. She gives the best advice and gives me motivation when I need it most. She highlights my strengths and aspects of me that I can’t see and makes me realise that if I work hard enough I will push through and get that dream job no matter what.
Yes I know this post is cheesy and a little out of character but I think sometimes the key thing is to remind ourselves what we do have and what we really want to keep us going. It’s all well and good other people telling us and encouraging us but there’s no point in them doing so if we aren’t prepared to take it on board fully. I’m existing in limbo at the moment, passing the time while I wait for my opportunity to take the next step toward my dream career while everyone else around me is already there.
It’s horrible and really difficult to stay positive but the support of other friends and family is what helps me most. They make me realise what I myself don’t see, they distract me and cheer me up when I’m down. Don’t focus on objects or activities to get you out of a rut, they can help don’t get me wrong, but ultimately objects and activities can’t push you up and out, only people can do that. Focus on your dream and when the going gets rough, let people help you out. It’s what we’re designed to do, even lone wolves hunt as part of a pack.